To All the Non-Christians I’ve Loved Before
In high school, I fell head over heels for you because you were one of the cutest boys in my grade. I thought there was no way a guy like you would ever be interested in a dork like me. As a friend, you were one of the most gentle and caring people I knew.
When you revealed that you were interested in me, and asked if I was interested in you, I lied. I made something up because you liked my friend previously and I wouldn’t let a guy come between me and my best friend.
I’m sorry I lied to you. I was afraid. I was taught to think of non-Christian boys like you as “chocolate covered poop.” You were not poop covered at all. I was 16 and very confused.
Seeing you eventually move on, triggered a lot of resentment towards my church community. You were nicer than the boys I went to church with. I didn’t believe that because they chose to get baptized, they were better than you. They were the ones I was allowed to date.
When I came to church, I was bitter. However, the Spirit of God was very present. The Spirit made me realized then, I had no convictions about this aspect of my life. I was blaming other people when I didn’t become Christlike for them. I became a Christian because of Christ’s love for me. I was listening to other people’s version of right and wrong but I was not being noble. I did not go to the Bible to see what God thought about this kind of situation.
So instead of sharing my faith with you, I ran and hid. You helped me see that being a “good Christian girl” who did what I was told was not enough. I had to find out for myself what the scriptures say about my life.
Thank you for helping me. Sorry, I wasn’t brave enough to share my life and faith with you.
That weird girl from high school
I met you when I was much older and mature. I built my own convictions on what it meant to be in a Godly relationship by the time you came around. It was a spiritual necessity. I learned why it would not be wise to date someone who is not a Christian.
The bible doesn’t talk about dating but it talks about marriage. If my goal is to get married then I should enter romantic relationships with that in mind. Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 7: 39 that we should marry people “in the Lord.” Even the wisdom of the world thinks the marriage of people of two different faiths is a hard foundation to build on.
I didn’t want to end up being yoked with an unbeliever, Eric. You were not a threat. You were not even my type……..
We worked together. You were cool and fun to hang out with. There was never a notion to me that our relationship would extend outside of a work friendship. I even praised our ability to have platonic dinners together when we worked late.
I put obvious physical boundaries in place because I knew where my convictions were. However, I wasn’t guarding my heart nor yours. I was being legalistic. Proverbs 4:23 warns to “guard your heart, for it the wellspring of life.” I was naive and did not pay attention to things beneath the surface with our friendship.
You met me in my 20s. I was figuring out life. There was insecurity from spending years trying to find a job during a recession. The job I was doing was not one I was proud of but I was grateful I could finally pay my bills. I was processing heartbreak from a relationship years before. I had no other Christian men prospects. I wasn’t in a vibrant singles ministry. Add that all up to working long hours with you. It was the perfect storm.
One late night working, you crossed a physical boundary and I let you. Not only did I let you, as you recall I responded. I had no idea how I got to that point. I didn’t fancy you. I did not walk into that situation thinking I was going to respond positively to your advances. I have no clue you were even interested in me in that way.
I was confused again. This time I was not some clueless teenager. I was a clueless 20 something. The whole time I believed that I was in control. I went home early when people started drinking too much at work events. I was involved and leading in my church. I was at almost every church event. I tried not to hang out too much with you guys outside of work. I was open with my Christian friends about things going on in my life. I was doing the “right things.”
However, I was not loving God with “all my heart, soul, mind, and strength” (Luke 10:27). I was loving God with some of these things, but not with all. I went to him with the things I could control. I was mentally there with God but my heart was hurting and I left God out of it. I could not control what my heart was doing so I didn’t talk about it.
Sure, I was sad. Sadness doesn’t ring the same spiritual alarm bells as other things do. I was weak and didn’t know it. Therefore, I automatically responded to the comfort you provided, because I was not seeking the comfort I needed from God.
I think of Solomon, who asked and received a discerning and wise heart (1 Kings 3:9-10). I believe Solomon allowed the discernment, knowledge, and wisdom to grow in his mind but not in his heart. Solomon did a lot of “right things” the Lord asked of him. But he allowed comfort to come from his foreign wives instead of God. As a result, Solomon built a divided kingdom.
The Lord says to us “The heart is deceitful above all things. And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives? I, the Lord, search and examine the mind, I test the heart, To give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10). I was not letting the Lord fill my heart. There was a void and it was filled by you temporarily.
In my avoidance of dealing with heart issues, I led you on. I didn’t mean to play you. I didn’t know what I was feeling. You had real feelings in this situation and I should have taken care of your heart. For that, I am sorry.
That weird girl you worked with that time.
Written by Angelica A
Angelica is a Boston-based young professional who works in Marketing. She is usually found navigating through her dating misadventures.
More like this....
How do we display Godly love to those different from us?
Many today are forming emotional connections with their smart assistant. How might putting our trust in dispirited hardware dissapoint?
If our identity is not rooted firmly in Christ, we can give than up and become chained to other’s approval of us.