To All the Non-Christians I’ve Loved Before
In high school, I fell head over heels for you because you were one of the cutest boys in my grade. I thought there was no way a guy like you would ever be interested in a dork like me. As a friend, you were one of the most gentle and caring people I knew.
When you revealed that you were interested in me, and asked if I was interested in you, I lied. I made something up because you liked my friend previously and I wouldn’t let a guy come between me and my best friend.
I’m sorry I lied to you. I was afraid. I was taught to think of non-Christian boys like you as “chocolate covered poop.” You were not poop covered at all. I was 16 and very confused.
Seeing you eventually move on, triggered a lot of resentment towards my church community. You were nicer than the boys I went to church with. I didn’t believe that because they chose to get baptized, they were better than you. They were the ones I was allowed to date.
When I came to church, I was bitter. However, the Spirit of God was very present. The Spirit made me realized then, I had no convictions about this aspect of my life. I was blaming other people when I didn’t become Christlike for them. I became a Christian because of Christ’s love for me. I was listening to other people’s version of right and wrong but I was not being noble. I did not go to the Bible to see what God thought about this kind of situation.
So instead of sharing my faith with you, I ran and hid. You helped me see that being a “good Christian girl” who did what I was told was not enough. I had to find out for myself what the scriptures say about my life.
Thank you for helping me. Sorry, I wasn’t brave enough to share my life and faith with you.
That weird girl from high school
I met you when I was much older and mature. I built my own convictions on what it meant to be in a Godly relationship by the time you came around. It was a spiritual necessity. I learned why it would not be wise to date someone who is not a Christian.
The bible doesn’t talk about dating but it talks about marriage. If my goal is to get married then I should enter romantic relationships with that in mind. Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 7: 39 that we should marry people “in the Lord.” Even the wisdom of the world thinks the marriage of people of two different faiths is a hard foundation to build on.
I didn’t want to end up being yoked with an unbeliever, Eric. You were not a threat. You were not even my type……..
We worked together. You were cool and fun to hang out with. There was never a notion to me that our relationship would extend outside of a work friendship. I even praised our ability to have platonic dinners together when we worked late.
I put obvious physical boundaries in place because I knew where my convictions were. However, I wasn’t guarding my heart nor yours. I was being legalistic. Proverbs 4:23 warns to “guard your heart, for it the wellspring of life.” I was naive and did not pay attention to things beneath the surface with our friendship.
You met me in my 20s. I was figuring out life. There was insecurity from spending years trying to find a job during a recession. The job I was doing was not one I was proud of but I was grateful I could finally pay my bills. I was processing heartbreak from a relationship years before. I had no other Christian men prospects. I wasn’t in a vibrant singles ministry. Add that all up to working long hours with you. It was the perfect storm.
One late night working, you crossed a physical boundary and I let you. Not only did I let you, as you recall I responded. I had no idea how I got to that point. I didn’t fancy you. I did not walk into that situation thinking I was going to respond positively to your advances. I have no clue you were even interested in me in that way.
I was confused again. This time I was not some clueless teenager. I was a clueless 20 something. The whole time I believed that I was in control. I went home early when people started drinking too much at work events. I was involved and leading in my church. I was at almost every church event. I tried not to hang out too much with you guys outside of work. I was open with my Christian friends about things going on in my life. I was doing the “right things.”
However, I was not loving God with “all my heart, soul, mind, and strength” (Luke 10:27). I was loving God with some of these things, but not with all. I went to him with the things I could control. I was mentally there with God but my heart was hurting and I left God out of it. I could not control what my heart was doing so I didn’t talk about it.
Sure, I was sad. Sadness doesn’t ring the same spiritual alarm bells as other things do. I was weak and didn’t know it. Therefore, I automatically responded to the comfort you provided, because I was not seeking the comfort I needed from God.
I think of Solomon, who asked and received a discerning and wise heart (1 Kings 3:9-10). I believe Solomon allowed the discernment, knowledge, and wisdom to grow in his mind but not in his heart. Solomon did a lot of “right things” the Lord asked of him. But he allowed comfort to come from his foreign wives instead of God. As a result, Solomon built a divided kingdom.
The Lord says to us “The heart is deceitful above all things. And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives? I, the Lord, search and examine the mind, I test the heart, To give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10). I was not letting the Lord fill my heart. There was a void and it was filled by you temporarily.
In my avoidance of dealing with heart issues, I led you on. I didn’t mean to play you. I didn’t know what I was feeling. You had real feelings in this situation and I should have taken care of your heart. For that, I am sorry.
That weird girl you worked with that time.
Written by Angelica A
Angelica is a Boston-based young professional who works in Marketing. She is usually found navigating through her dating misadventures.
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